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Keeping it Simple

  A strange and common problem happens with romance. It is so simple, but so difficult. We simply try too hard. We all think we need to try hard to do something romantic. We do not need to try. We just need to just listen to our hearts and do what we think will give our loved one a smile. Keep it simple. Your loved one will alway give you hints on what he or she finds romantic. Just listen. Do what you hear. It is usually fun and will help build a great and amazing relationship.

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Motivations  Romance and love should last forever. Why is it that we buy roses or other flowers to show our love? They have been cut and die after a few days. We want our love to keep growing. It is wonderful to plant a flower, bush or tree together and watch it grow. You can look at it year after year and remember the day you planted it. The memory will stay with you both and you will have something to look forward to. What a beautiful way of saying you want your relationship to last.

 

	Valentines Day  It is soon Valentines Day. It is when everyone takes their loved out on the town. The restaurants are full and the flower shops are empty. So what is there to do? Think of what makes your loved one happy. Try to remember little comments or ideas that seemed to give your loved one excitement. Valentines day is more then dinner and flowers. It is showing your loved one that you put that person first. Do what your loved one dreams of doing. Rent a cabin. Go for a drive. Make a gift. Just think about your loved one. Don't follow the stereo types. Be original. Perhaps you can try one of my suggestions that I have talked about before. The key is to just listen. The nice thing about Valentines Day is that your loved one is probably giving you hints right now. Listen, and by doing that you will show your loved one that you really do care.

Motivations To me romance is placing my loved one's feelings first. It is thinking about my loved one and then about me. What I have to be careful about are my motivations. Am I being romantic because I want this person to feel great and be happy or am I doing it because I want something in return? This is a thought that we should acknowledge every time we do something romantic. We need to think of our loved one first. Romance is not about the giver. If we feel that we are doing something romantic to get something. Then do not do it. That is not romance.

 

	Holding Hands Two days ago, I was walking through the mall. As I was looking around, I noticed something. It was not new clothes, shoes, or shops; it was couples. What I saw is something that many jokes are based on. I watched young couples walking through the mall, hand in hand with a smile on their faces. They seemed proud and exited to be seen together. Actually I think they would be just as happy if they were the only people in the world. It was nice. I could tell the couples that were dating, and the newlyweds with the shiny diamond, flashing for the world to see. It is amazing how I could almost tell how long a couple has been together by they way they held hands and walked. Then there were the couples that seem to have been together for some time. One would be leading the other following a couple steps back. One would walk into a store the other would wait outside, holding the bags and looking bored and unhappy. The diamonds did not sparkle as bright, and their hands never met. To me this is sad. How hard is it to hold a hand? How does it make you feel when your loved one reaches for your hand? Is it nice? Is it uncomfortable? If it is uncomfortable has it always felt that way? If not, I suggest the next time you and your loved one are together, reach out and hold his or her hand. To me that is romance in its simplest and purest form. It costs nothing, takes little effort and says 1000 words.

Keeping it Simple I just returned from my parents 60th wedding anniversery and feel there is much to learn from them. I spoke of them in my past thoughts but I feel a need to give further insite on what they have done right. My mother told me that her and dad got married in the parsonage of there church with a handful of witnesses and no pictures taken. They have always kept it simple. I remember dad picking a handfull of wild flowers, placing them in a drinking glass and giving them to mom. She would smile laugh and blush. I would later see her admiring them on the window sill above the sink. Other times he would carve something out of wood and give it to her with a mischievous look. The carving would later be displayed on a table or shelf somewhere in the house. I remember picking dadilions with dad for mom, not realizing as a child what he was doing. He was being romantitic. He was being romantic in such a simple way and mom loved the simplicity. She knew that is was not the price of the gift, but the thought. Take that and think of something simple to show your love. Do what feels right to you. It has worked for my parents for 60 years.

 

	Letting Love Speak Letting "love" speak for you. Have you ever been out in public & watched a sweet elderly couple having the best time of their lives just spending time together? Each time I witness this, I'm reassured in the fact that when two people are truly meant to be together they enjoy everything about their partner. It's almost as if they are sharing a special "joke" or "internal language" that others simply don't understand. When you allow love to speak for you, true feelings are conveyed in a very subtle manner. Something as simple as meeting each other's gaze & slowing down to "listen" to what the other is saying can reap enormous rewards. Showing your partner how much you adore them by listening & keeping eye contact, creates warm & loving emotions for both of you. It brings forth rich intimacy that is beyond the "physical" & both parties are drawn by attraction into fulfillment and contentment.

 

A suprise There is something fun and exiting about surprising the one you love. Rent a cabin, room or someplace romantic without telling him or her your plans. On the side, if it is possible pack a few things for your loved one and sneak them along or better yet, drop them off there before leaving. To add to the surprise call a caterer and have them deliver dinner. Some will have everything ready if you arrange for them to get in. Another version of this is to let the person know you have a place saved and just surprise them with the catered dinner. It will be a surprise not soon forgotten.

 

	It is Not an Activity What is romance? Romance is not an activity; it is a state of being. It is a way of feeling. The trouble with romance is that people try to force it. They feel they need to be romantic or they need to feel romance. Romance is not a fake it till you make it proposition. You have to feel it, want it. There must be a buildup of excitement. This excitement for me is when I start to feel romantic and begin planning for what I will do, and thinking about the one I love. It is the greatest thing. Romance is for Mondays, Thursdays, Wednesdays and Tuesdays. It is not just for weekends and holidays. It is for whenever you feel in love. It is to be felt and enjoyed. Not forced.

 

Relaxation Have you ever taken your loved one to a spa? The idea can be very difficult for a lot of men and some women. Men often feel awkward or embarrassed going to a spa. Some women have the same worries or they feel uncomfortable being pampered. A spa treatment can be an amazing experience. Some spas have packages for couples. These packages are a wonderful way to spend time together. As a couple you get to be pampered, massaged and manicured. Try it on a day that is not a holiday, birthday or special event. Do it to forget the days troubles. Do it to release the stresses. A simple trip to a spa could be the beginning of a wonderful journey.

 

Communication Communication is fundamental in a successful relationship. Bring yourself closer to your mate by simply "sharing." You can convey your feelings in many different ways: Try the simple, small, and little meaningful things (love notes in the lunch box; unexpectedly sneaking up and giving a "hug" or "caress"). Sharing can be expanded in bigger ways (reserving a Jacuzzi suite and hiding the room key under the napkin). The most important thing to remember is "don't be afraid to expose your true feelings to the one you love." Trust your instincts, open your heart and truly make room for your partner.

 

	Learning Together What a wonderful experience it is to learn something new with the one you love. There is a bond built in that experience that can last a lifetime. It is something like hearing a song and years later hearing it again. You are instantly placed in the experience you had. An absolutely wonderful activity for a couple to do, is take dance lessons together. What a powerful bond you will form. After class go home and practice what you learned. Learning to dance is both fun and romantic. It is also an experience that is shared by only you and your partner. Dancing together in the living room is what movies are made of and what a romantic evening it will make for you.

 

Love Hurts A good friend of mine gave me a plaque. It sits on the TV stand, below the television. The marble plaque is carved with the words, "Love like you'll never get hurt". This statement touched me deeply and it still causes me to think about what it means, and why the statement is necessary. Love can be very painful when it turns on us. It can be and often is devastating. We basically open our armor, allowing our hearts to be vulnerable, trusting that our partner will do no harm. Often this is not easy since we have been hurt before. Each time we get hurt, we add more armor. This armor gets thicker and we open it less. What is happening is that love is not hurting us, we our hurting ourselves by not taking the chance. We need to take the chance. We need to love like we will never get hurt and never hurt the ones we love.

 

	Distance: We read and are told how distance makes the heart grow fonder. Does it really? Perhaps when someone we love takes a trip or spends a night with friends we do learn to appreciate what we have. But what if that distance is no further then a room or bed away. I have sat in a room next to a loved one as they read a book or watched TV and felt good just being next to them. But there are times when there is more. There are times when we realize that that person is in another world and we are not part of it. They have become consumed by the book, television or computer screen. Soon we sit there night after night just wanting a smile, touch or a soft word. But that person is long gone in another world. Have you fallen into this pattern of behavior. If so, ask yourself why. Do you not love the person next to you? He or she needs your attention. I would suggest that you put down the book, turn off the television or computer; Sit next to your loved one, look into their eyes and remember why you first fell in love with this person. Remember your first date, first kiss and the first time you said "I love You". Forget about your troubles. Forget about the days battles and stresses. Just look into their eyes and remember. When you do this, the words you say will be real. the actions you take will be real, because what you have is real.

 

Getting Through "Troubling" Times Everyone has experienced it…that place you find yourself with your mate. You suddenly don't seem to be "connecting" any longer. There's no explanation, it just "happens." Right away you start second-guessing yourself ("did I say something wrong"; "have I hurt their feelings somehow?"). Don't fall into this trap. It will only end up spiraling down into believing there isn't a way out of the situation. Begin remedying the condition by approaching your partner and trying to communicate. Be cautious and don't bring emotional responses that are easily fallen into ("I didn't say that!"; "You never talk to me anymore!"). Instead, try approaching it simplistically: "Can we talk about how things have been lately - I think I can help you"; "Sweetheart, I've noticed you haven't been quite yourself, how can I support you?" If you open up a line of communication that doesn't make your partner feel "threatened," or "attacked" you will find that you have begun open discussions with an open heart and in a loving way. You will find that once relaxed, you "break-down" communication barriers and start truly speaking again. One last important thing to remember: You must truly listen to everything your partner is saying. If you listen and are interested in how your mate feels, you will find that you will become closer than ever.

 

	The Holidays The holidays are about here and that means it is time to do some shopping. Shopping can be very difficult, especially for men. It is said that it is the thought that matters and do I agree. A great gift is one that comes from the heart. This year think about trying something new. This year make the gift. It shows your loved one that you cared enough to take the time to truly think about the gift. Check the yellow pages and see if there are places in your area that can help. There are businesses that allow you to make a variety of items out of clay and pottery and some do stuffed animals. The local craft store can also be a great help when it comes to making a gift. You can even make the card. It does not matter that you are not artistic. Even if you still draw toes and bellybuttons on your stick figures your loved one will enjoy it. Break out the markers, crayons and paints and go to work. Not only will this make your loved one happy, it will give you time to truly think about that person. As you paint and color you will be put in an environment that is simple. Brand names are no longer important, cost is no longer important. What is important is that you are thinking and doing something for the person that you love. You are taking the time to show that person that you really care.

 

Forever in Love My parents are celebrating there 60th wedding anniversary this year. What is amazing, is how in love they are after all those years. I could write a book on what they have done right. What really sticks out in my mind is that they truly enjoy doing things together. They make the table every morning and have breakfast together, the same for lunch and dinner; no TV or telephone, just time together. Every night about an hour before bed they sit at the table and play cards. It is their time to laugh, play and be young. Laughing, playing and living together has helped their relationship not just survive, but grow.

 

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